On Friendship and Asking for Help

One of my biggest fears going through divorce was facing the amount of stuff I'd have to do on my own, mostly related to things the ex had generally handled: yard work, home repair, car maintenance.  Over the past year, I've learned that it's okay to ask friends for help, kind a new concept to me, since on reflection, the ex and I seemed to have lived a very sequestered life, doing nearly everything for ourselves, or only calling on family for help.

It felt scary at first, admitting that there were things I couldn't do, and opening myself up to 'owing' a friend for helping me.  But what I've learned is that just as I would do anything I could for a friend if they asked me (though I'm still working on my skills at offering help before I'm asked), my closest friends are those who would do the same for me.

And so I've called on my friend Rebecca more times than I can count to help me with the kids, including one day when I needed to run to the grocery store, and M threw a huge screaming fit just inside the door.  I brought both kids back to the car and put them in their seats, then stood outside, just breathing and trying to hold it together.  And then I called Rebecca.  She immediately came, and kept M in the car with her girls while L and I got our groceries. 

That day I felt like an utter failure as a parent, and the single-parent responsibilities felt like more than I could handle.  But Rebecca reminded me that I have a strong network of support, and I shouldn't be afraid to call on my friends to help me.  This is not second-handed.  It's what true friends do, because they value each other.